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Old 10-29-2013, 12:38 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

**FOR ME**

It's critical that my partners respect my needs which sometimes include temporary boundaries.
This became VERY VERY clear when Maca opted to befriend (not even date) someone who was very pushy and antagonistic about our relationship. She pressed upon him that my needs to not be around her were unfair (even though she didn't want to be around me, she simply wanted the freedom to attend all of our family events and as a sahm-those all include me, even though many do not include him).
Maca backed me up HALF-ASSED and with quite a lot of attitude.

When my medical issues kicked into full gear and he suddenly felt a need to back me up 100%, it appeared to her and all outside parties that he simply "gave in" to my wishes against his own. This wasn't the case. But-it resulted in a LOT of unnecessary drama.

In the time since; we've had many discussions (including GG who also lives with us) about the critical nature of each of us having our shared home be a sanctuary. Which means we don't bring others into it who disrupt the sanctuary of ANY of us.

That said:

There are MANY people who live a MUCH less "integrated" dating life and I have read many accounts on here and conversed with a number of them regarding how these differences pop up in day to day life.
One big difference is that where I expect my partners to help meet my needs and vice versa; those who are more independent poly's tend to feel that each individual is wholly responsible for their own needs and in THAT scenario, your request/expectation would be seen as unreasonable.

My impression is that he is more independent and of the attitude that he can do what he wants as he wants and you do what you want as you want and where the line meets great-but otherwise-not your place to dictate his lines.

*obviously based on a tiny fragment you've written here*

If that is the case-your options are to accept and continue or to leave and find someone more interested in working as a team.

Ultimately-that is your choice anyway. Because the bottom line is that you can't control anyone but yourself.
BUT-some people are certainly more prone to working as a team and others are more the "go it alone" type. Polyamory has plenty of both types.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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