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Old 03-17-2010, 03:24 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Hey Cat (hope you don't mind the nick)

Just a couple comments here

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post

I've never remotely understood people who get married with an "in case of divorce" plan... what the hell are you getting married for if you think you MIGHT EVER get divorced?? If you're going into it with that attitude, you're setting yourself up for failure because if you're already reneging on your commitment when the going is good and you're all lovey-dovey, where are you going to be when life throws you its curveballs?
I notice you are from Canada (profile?) so in many ways you are more fortunate. In the States things can be pretty weird and sometimes nasty. Especially when dealing with anything involving govt, court systems etc.
I'm very much an advocate of REQUIRING prenup agreements ! Doing otherwise is to unwisely ignore a number of aspects of being human and how that plays out in a societal framework. Fact is - things change. People change. The world changes. Some of those changes have the potential to impact relationships- i.e. marriages.
Many people in the states get married partially for the financial and security benefits such a legal arrangement confers. In reality it's often as much of a legal contract as it is any emotional bond. Things like health insurance, tax ramifications etc have a major impact on people and decisions are made accordingly. Especially when children are or may be involved.
So it is a legit reason to marry for many in absence of what we've often discussed about more enlightened options (and people).

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Religious convictions aside, our society full endorses common-law partnerships with, in most jurisdictions, the same rights and responsibilities as marriages. In Canada, if you live with someone that has a kid and you do one single "parent-like act" (make them dinner one day, take them to the doctor, anything that a parent would do) then instead of waiting a year, you become common-law the moment you move in together (at least as far as Revenue Canada is concerned, i.e. our IRS).
Again, just a reminder here to be careful of making blanket statements in a forum with worldwide visibility. Especially in regards to legalities. There's far too much variation from state/state - province/province, federal etc to say much except "research YOUR state/province - contact a lawyer when in ANY doubt !"
I can for example state that in the past (can't say whether it's changed but don't believe so) the U.S. Federal govt absolutely does NOT recognize common law status - especially for tax purposes. I learned this lesson the hard way (several hundred dollars worth of hard way) after living together (unmarried) for 3 years and having 2 children. Not "married" - tough shit - pay up ! Don't care if you are living together and are are sole source of support !
This being on the federal level - and even that varies state/state.

So we have to be careful when talking about such things. As much as many of us can all see a simpler, better way to handle the whole mess, the conservative, religious leaning masses still have the control strings.
Only choice is to outsmart them (usually not that difficult)

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