Another quick reply LeeAnn. by the way....I LOVE your name- FireDancer. I'll have to share a poem I wrote for a lover years ago about the Fire Dancer.....but later.
One of my male lovers (Charles) has a primary lover (Holland) and I am his secondary lover. He likes to do things with each of us seperately, but also like to occassionally have us both present for a date, so I will invite one of my other males lovers (Richard) to join us and we have a double date. Early on, we encouraged Holland and Richard to spend some time alone together so they could establish a connection and they did. They even became sexual much to our delight. So, now when we all get together, she feels comfortable with both guys. The guys would like the 4 of us to have a sexual experience and I'm open to it, but she is hesitant since she has never done it.
All of this to say that when the four of us get together, we let Holland determine how far we all go depending on how comfortable she is. We have not tried to force her to move faster than what she is comfortable with. It requires patience, but the love that we all feel makes it easy to give her the time and space she needs. We also accept that she may never feel comfortable with a "4-way" and that's okay too.
I think that respect for each other and doing things to foster the love for each other is so important and if you have that then the other things take care of themselves.....so far anyway!!!!