Originally Posted by PolyinPractice
I prefer a partner's kids to call me by my real name. I mean, as far as they know, I'm just a friend of their parents. You start making your kid call them "Aunt" or "Uncle," and suddenly, the kids are like....why is THAT person special.... why is that person "Aunt" and that person not, I know they're not my real relative..... I so don't want to end up in a situation where the kids are used to that being code for "girlfriend" or "boyfriend"....then I come in and it's like, "Oh, right, you're the woman sleeping with my dad. Got it." Ick.
I find that interesting. I wouldn't want the kids not to know the relationship I have with their dad. I don't think people generally think of their mothers or stepmothers as "that woman who sleeps with my dad". They do know the person has a relationship with their father, and they do know, I imagine, that sex is involved, but the name they used is based on the relationship between the kids and that person, not their parent and that person.
So I can imagine going by my first name and being considered a family friend if I had zero involvement, but the kind of relationship I would prefer would pretty much put me in the middle, either raising the kids or at least living with them and being around as some sort of parental figure for homework or whatever.
Yes, the kids would get to decide what kind of role I play in their lives, especially if I haven't known them since birth, but if we live together and I'm an adult and they're a kid, I expect to have some authority over them.
So my thoughts are that you probably are interested in different kinds of relationships than I am.