Originally Posted by phantazmagoria
i think she is feeling sexually hungry but at the same time wanting to build our relationship. i think she's afraid that if she has sex with other people, it would mess up our dynamic. and i think she understands me being hesitant about her and husband having sex alone, but at the same time longs for it.
we've never told her should couldnt be with other people.... we havent officially labeled ourselves committed ... she's just been choosing to not see other people because of her fear of our dynamic changing.
and she has voiced that them having sex alone is a big deal and should only be crossed when everyone is 100% ready.
i hope that makes sense.
You know changing your language can really help. For example, in your post you said that youve never forbid her from seeing others and qualified that by saying you are not yet committed. This implies that commitment always involves a fidelity agreement. That isn't the case, at all. Many of us have commitments and are able to see other people as and when we like.
The problem is that she might be buying into the idea that you and your husband own one another and as a secondary partner, she should have to have her needs put on a back burner because she is the abnormal one. The third. That isn't how it has to be at all. You all have to acknowledge her as a person with wishes, desires, needs and rights.