oh man... this is getting deep
Ok... so I am in a lovely relationship with my husband... G... and my boyfriend. .. T.
So when I met T he was just getting out of a relationship with this girl ... B. B and T have had an on again off again relationship for a few years. T is somewhat entrenched with her because he was acting "dad" to her kids and so naturally he loves them and is attached to them. However, B is a mess. She is abusive... physically and emotionally... bipolar.... and very depressed to the point of attempting suicide. Not long ago she came to his house in the middle of the night, went through his belongings and his cell phone, found texts between T and I and crawled on top of him ( he was asleep) and started beating him. The next day he came to me pretty ragged.. but he refused to file a report against her because he doesn't want to ruin her little family...
T told me that was the end and that he was done with her...
Yep... you know what comes next. A few weeks have past and the bruises have healed and they are talking again. He told me that he might want to "work it out" with B. If he were to ... that effectively means he and I would no longer be together.
But i love him... and he loves me. But he has a hard time seeing into the future of "us"... he wants to have a family and he doesn't want to just be "on the side" forever. I understand that... but our relationship is so fresh and new... I cant say to him "yes" ... because I don't know yet how all of this will work out. I was pretty sure I was done having babies... but I am young and maybe a few years down the road that *could* happen but that is too big for me to promise now. He sees that as a possibility with B ... plus he already cares for her kids. I am sure that if he were to be with B he would continue to be in an abusive relationship that would end in a lot of pain for him. As a friend. .. I don't want him to go back to that so he wont get hurt. As his girlfriend. .. I am somewhat hurt that he would leave our happy little relationship to go back to that... since everyone agrees that I treat him WAY better then she did, does, or will.
so after talking to me about it, T promised me he would give "us" a real chance and if a year from now things aren't going in the direction he needs I will let us part ways without a fight. So that also means he has to tell her they are NOT going to "work things out" - and although I trust him and have no reason not to... I have a hard time believing he WILL say that to B.
So here I am... he is confused... I am hurt... G is trying to support me but he feels that T is getting "the short end of the stick" and he doesn't know how I AM going to manage both relationships without someone feeling neglected. We are happy now.. but this is new to us... so we don't have answers. I think T isn't really running back to B... but what was his "normal"... because this relationship is complex and new and scary... and T is afraid that if things don't work he would be responsible not only for breaking my heart ... but also my marriage and possibly my family. I don't forsee that happening... but I can't help but feel empathy for his concerns.
I don't know what advice I want or need... I just want to hear from someone... maybe get some hope more than help. Any ideas on what to say to help assure T that this can be doable?
(Cherry) Me: poly bi female in a V with G :hetero male married 8 years AND T: hetero male bf (new)
Last edited by Cherrypie725; 10-27-2013 at 06:01 PM.