Time to update
C (ex bf) and I are no longer in touch. I briefly thought we maybe could be friends. But the email communication was awkward and full of misunderstandings. We had trouble picking a time to meet because we were both very busy. He said, 'well if it's going to take that long I guess I don't see the point'. I said, 'well if we once loved each other and shared something real, what difference does it make if we see each other next month or next year?' After that, I did not hear anything anymore. I still hurt, but it's becoming less. Instead of being mad at him I try to look at how I could have done things differently, to avoid future drama.
Lou broke up with the bf who did not know about Ren. She is now seeing a guy who knows about Ren. So that's a situation that has become a lot easier.
I confessed my love to a dear friend. He turned me down, but the funny thing is I did not feel rejected. I know he loves me and is attracted to me, but that the time is (now) not right for anything else. He is still my dear and close friend and I feel he is in my life to stay. It was really scary to tell him but also very empowering to do it.
Ren has a new love interest ... she sounds nice, they've been on a couple of dates. She's single. If things continue to be good with them I will meet her, and I am looking forward to maybe having a friendly relationship with a metamour, for once.
I've been on a couple of dates with a guy from okc, we were a very high match percentage. At first I thought we would just be friends as I did not really feel the spark of attraction. But I think he's sort of growing on me, part of that has definitely to do with the way he is patient, attracted to me but content to be just friends. We have very easy communication, have fun together, love to talk for hours. We kissed after the last date which was nice. I suppose he could be a REAL fwb - as opposed to BGuy, who I don't really consider a friend but more of an acquaintance with whom I have great sexual chemistry. I'm not sure about the chemistry with this guy.. wait.. must give him a name. Scin. We'll see. We'll go on another date soon and will probably talk about it.
Bguy has sort of disappeared, I contacted him a few times but he does not seem very interested in getting together (he says he is, but never proposes anything). Ah well. Maybe I should just let that go? I'm not very invested in it, but we did have some really nice times.
I went on a couple of pretty awful okc dates. One, I left after 15 minutes. Ugh.
I have a date with MrBrown tonight, the first one since he distanced himself from me back in July. I'm kind of nervous. I have no idea what to expect. The thing that went wrong between us is exactly that I was always expecting too much, even when I knew that he would not give me these things. I know the only way to have him in my life as a good relationship with good energy and a positive effect on me, is to let him go - completely - and let him drift in and out of my life as he wishes. When I am not able to do that, things will go wrong again.
So, yeah, nervous.
I also met someone new
We went on the first okc date a little over a week ago, have seen each other 3 times, including one sleep over, and I'm seeing him again later this week.
He's pretty great.. I'll call him Brig. He's single, does not seem to be having any issues with my marriage (although we do need to talk more about the fact that I am also seeing other men - I think he's not really registering that, though I did tell him.) He's funny, a little shy, sweet, smart, a little gloomy, very creative. We'll see where it goes... right now I am slowly getting the NRE bug, am very excited to see him again day after tomorrow.
So! that's the new status of my poly life!