Originally Posted by polydisputes
The problem is he is not telling me. We agreed to be open and honest about everything, and when we talked about opening up the relationship on of our agreements was to never hid any love interests or crushes. The point is we said we would not develop any other relationships right now, so I have not been developing mine because I respected that agreement. I'm worried he may not be holding true to that and may be working on another relationship behind my back. Be honest to your partner is the difference between polyamory and polyfuckery.
I have a problem with discussing things with my DH (primary if we need to label) and that's mostly because I could be chatting up with 1 guy or 20 guys but until the guy and I actually start making plans to meet or have sex (sometimes I might want to skip the date and get down to business) I really don't feel that I have some one new (a secondary) in my life. I mean seriously, I am not even sure I want to meet someone, if there is even a connection, so why would I tell DH there's a possibility that there's a possibility I might possibly make a date with so and so. It's hard for DH to understand this because I'm not trying to hide any thing from him, I just don't feel like I'm at a point where this other person is even viable as a relationship meet & great. kwim?
So your man talks to ex's, what's wrong with that? Why can't you talk to ex's? And just because he's talking to an ex, doesn't mean he's broken this promise the two of you have. What if this ex is truly a best friend he needs, whether or not he has romantic feelings for asaid person? When you open, do you plan on dating others? Dating women only or both women and men?
This insecurity your feeling, I admit I felt it many times with DH (never about someone else) and it usually was because he didn't feel comfortable enough to open up a discussion with me on his feelings. Maybe your man is feeling this from you. He wants to communicate but you're giving him definite signs you are not ready to communicate.
Maybe help him out and open up your communication with "So our day to go "open" is fast approaching, do you still want to stay closed or continue with our plans to open"? That way you bring it up without sounding crazy jealous and are asking for an evaluation of the status of your closed relationship.