Originally Posted by WhatHappened
If she's going to use men on a trial basis to try out poly for the two of you, then you can't be too surprised if they treat her as a trial run, too, to see how they like it.
WH, I suspect that you're right and that this may be an NSA request. I may need to start a new thread somewhere to discuss the specific aspects of her first date and how she's approaching poly generally.
We spoke about what her intentions are for her date given what limits he put forward, on our way home from the meeting last night. It looks like she's attempting to thread an emotional needle to me, and is keeping my trial limitation in view on this.
First she wants to see how meeting a new guy who expressed interest in her goes, but wants to keep any discussion of sex for few dates later if things go well, as she really wants to get to know him first. She realized during their call that it was both exciting but weird to be getting into a sexual conversation with someone other than me, that was not a flirtatious tease.
She knows if she develops serious feelings for him, that she should tell him so, which would likely end the relationship. At the other end if he is as she fears hugely fixated on the sex to the exclusion of non-sexual dates, then she says that she will stop seeing him, as she's not wanting to see him purely as mutual sex objects. Unless they both develop feelings for each other, she intends to continue her search, but may wish to keep seeing him as long as it is working for both of them in this limited basis. I cannot get my mind around insisting on having a few non-sexual, but understood at the outset not fully romantic dates, before and interspersed with sexual ones.
Another question of mine is that she regards this as giving poly a trial run. While this is a start into non-monogamy, I wasn't sure that this is truly polyamory, if the love spoken of is the emotional romantic bonds and not the physical act, no?