Interesting read so far.
Just wanted to add...I do not have a problem with calendars in day to day life. Hell, I need a calendar. Just on my calendar, I have 25 events for the rest of October and entire month of November. Quite a few will be attended as a family or just something for our children. I know that number will increase. Then, there is my daughter's calendar, which is ridiculous. Book fairs, bake sales, bump day, Parent Association meetings, attending church with her, morning tea every day, and so on. On top of the school related stuff, she has four upcoming recitals, weekly practices, birthday parties, sleepovers, and everything else. I also know DH's entire work schedule for the month. He tells me and our children's live-in caregiver about his plans no less than a week in advance, so we can all plan accordingly. We do need a calendar for day to day happenings like doctor's appointments, practices, extracurricular activities, etc.
What I hated was what that bloody "partners' calendar/schedule." Half of Sun with DH and the family for Mass and lunch. Sun night with her. Mon and Tues with him. Wed night-Thurs morning with her. Lunch with you on the second Thursday of 2014. Blah blah blah. It was a buzz kill, and I spent way too much time in motion. I never had alone time. There was nothing worse than pencilling them in for whatever reason or having to leave because the godawful calendar said it was so and so's time. The worst thing of all was scheduling windows of opportunity for sex. Maybe I was not in the mood from 9 AM-11 AM on Thursday morning. If I want to get my back blown out in the middle of the day to relieve stress or just because my hormones have spiked, I enjoy doing it now. That calendar was what I hated more than anything, and I will never, ever live by a partners' calendar/schedule again.
I have self-imposed boundaries/limits because, well, I cannot speak for anyone else, but I am rigid, structured, and firm in my boundaries, because I need to keep my bum in line. My boundaries have shifted quite a bit over the past eight months, and it stems from periods of introspection and knowing what I would and would not want again. Off the top, I prefer not to get some poor individual involved in my hectic life and lead them to believe that they will be able to change anything or expect anything different. I also enjoy my alone time and the charitable works that I do, and if I was in another relationship, those are the two things I would have to sacrifice to have one. I am not willing to do that or sacrifice time with my children and/or DH, so I am better suited for a mono style marriage at this point.
My personal boundaries and time limitations are not going to change until something needs to be changed. I enjoy the quality of my life and the fullness of my plate, and I am not missing anything by not dating others. If we were open and not closed, all of my boundaries like safe sex practices, no overnight visits, no PDA in front of my children, not wanting a primary or secondary, staying closeted, desires regarding scheduling/time, etc. would all be in effect. JMO.
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 12 years and father of our (3.5) children.