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Old 03-17-2010, 12:04 AM
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Justbeloving Justbeloving is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: West Michigan
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Awww Merry... I can understand where you are at! I'm new to this forum and have very little experience in these types of relationships, personally. But I have had experience counseling. I would love to give you a big hug but what I can give you is this:

First, you ARE NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON!!

Secondly, I would like to ask if you've shared these conflicting emotions with your husband?

Third, from first hand experience and research it is fact that emotions have a direct affect on health!! Be it physical or emotional. I very much believe the conflicting emotions in you is being released physically... I might even venture to say the conflicting emotions have probably been present for a long time.
If your husband and "room mate" truely care for you and want what is best, then arrangements for change need to be made. They are happy and healthy while you are suffering? There is something wrong with this picture. This evidently is not a relationship based on "for the good of all". But you have to be honest with your husband about how you feel in order for change to happen.

My advice is this:
ONE: IT'S TIME TO JUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!! All those other people and thier problems are not yours. I know that sounds cold. I have been there, always helping others, I've learned that my compassion and other peoples unhealthy choices, problems & lifestyles have been "toxic" to me and I have had to learn about boundaries. Those people will be fine, more than likely if you put it to the test they will move on quickly and find others to "help" them. If you are not healthy, physically and emotionally, (seriously consider this) how can you possibly be very helpful to others.

TWO: if none of you are aware that emotions affect health, then find the evidence (articles etc), go to your husband and tell him how you feel. Before this, make sure you've looked deep within yourself and are honest with yourself about all of this so that you can get it all out in the open at one time. It sounds to me as if he loves you very much and would make you his priority. Perhaps not completely severing his relationship with her, or doing so for a set amount of time. This will give you time to "breathe", for both you and your husband to be "one". Then when you are healthy AND willing, she can be slowly integrated back into your lives.

THREE: Do not start by concerning yourself if your meds are working properly. Yes keep taking them and keep appointments, etc. Work on changing your circumstance first. Then go to the med adjustment. While I understand some of us NEED meds, much of our enviroment can exasberbate (is that right spelling? lol) the disease and really, then we are only making problems on top of problems and putting a "bandaide" on it with the meds and NO REAL CHANGE CAN OCCUR!!

I might seem bold and over stepping my boundary here but it's time for you Merry and it sounds to me that it's time others in your life need to give.

I hope and pray for you dear!
~L~
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