I haven't written in a while because life is good, but I realize it is encouraging for others to hear about poly stories where things are working out, so I decided to give an update!
I am still seeing Richard and I love him deeply. I consider him my primary and he considers me his primary. We are comfortable with that label. If there comes a time when are not comfortable with a hierarchical term, we will discontinue using it. I know there are people on this forum that object to hierarchical terms, but IMO no matter how much you avoid the terms or labels, you can't avoid the fact that life consists of a myriad of hierarchies and it always will. But I digress.
Richard and I have known each other for 10 years and we've been poly for 3 1/2 years. We fell in love 10 years ago and struggled with monogamy for the first 7 years. Once we made a commitment to polyamory, things got better for us!
We had a period this spring where we took a break from one another for about 3 months and that was really good. In fact every separation we have had has ended up bringing us closer together.
We do not live together and probably won't any time soon. We have talked about living together after retirement, but that's not set in stone. I like my privacy and alone time and so does he. We've talked about building a house with a communal living room and kitchen in the center and two wings on each end- each with a master bedroom and bathroom. And there would also be a guest wing!
For the last 5 years or so, I have been spending time at the coast- right near Florida where the beaches are beautiful!
I was fortunate enough this year to finally purchase a condo right on the beach! I will be spending the month of November there!
I can't believe it's already been a year ago since Carrie spent time with me at the beach without her husband Gary. They have been married 37 years and she is bisexual. It was the first trip she had ever taken without her husband! I am still seeing them. My life has been so busy with the condo purchase and remodel that it has been a while, but I hope to resume that soon!
I am still seeing Lee. I invited him and Judy to spend time at the beach with me while I'm there. Today he informed me that Judy said she may not be able to go because of a wedding, but maybe he could come for a few days by himself! That is a huge step for all three of us if that happens. And if it doesn't happen- that's okay too!
I have met a couple that lives near the beach condo! We have been on 4 dates! I am equally attracted to both of them - which is not usually the case, so I am going to enjoy it as long as possible! I will call them Robbie and Bob. Last weekend we had very sweet triple spooning session where he was behind me and she was in front of me- yes- I was in the middle! Bob was kissing me on my neck and I was kissing her on her neck and she and I both had goosebumps running down our spines!
So- my main poly situation is that Richard is my primary and he has a secondary female partner. I have Lee as a secondary. Now that Judy has more trust in me, Lee and I have been getting closer and he is expressing his feelings for me- we are getting to know each other better and it's nice. He is a super incredible sexual partner too! Then- I have the 2 married couples that I am seeing and developing relationships with.
As I think back to my process in the poly lifestyle and what would I say is the single most important quality that has allowed me to be where I am today - i would say that is patience.
Also important is the ability to say "no" to a person or persons or to a relationship or relationship configuration that is not healthy.
Also important is the ability to say "yes" to the people and relationships that are healthy and in line with me and what I currently resonate with.
When things don't seem to be working out- go back to the basics. Relax about things. Don't over analyze things. Manage emotions- let them pass- don't hang on to them- stay physically healthy by getting plenty of sleep, eating right- drink lots of water and get daily exercise. I know it sounds simple, but sometimes it's good to get back to basics!
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.