Love the idea but struggling
Hello everyone. I am happily married, 38 years old, with three young boys and a 4th on the way. My husband and I are new to the idea of polyamory, but I absolutely love the the idea.
Our marriage has had rocky moments in the past, and after realizing that monogomy and living our lives based on how society says we should just wasn't working for us. We weren't amazing. The idea of thinking outside the box with our relationship, and our first experience with opening up our marriage has brought an amazing level of excitement to our lives. I am more sexual and attracted to my husband than ever before.
However, our current situation is one where my husband is involved with a coworker whom he began sleeping with without me knowing about it. We worked through that and now our communication is better than ever, but I am struggling with allowing the two of them to continue with their relationship. There is the hurt and lack of trust that bothers me, but it also feels so incredibly unfair because I had come to envision my husband and I pursuing poly friendships together and mutually. I feel like the intruder and the bad guy because I just don't feel right about them and have for now placed restrictions on what they are allowed to do together.
One more level of the unfairness is that I am currently 7 months pregnant and have three other children at home. I am so very excited to get out and meet like-minded poly curious people, but the timing of it is just pretty terrible being this pregnant and relying on babysitting to get out with my husband to meet others.
So I am trying to strike a balance between allowing him to get out with his girlfriend, as I see that it makes him happy, but at the same time I struggle with the feeling of unfairness, as well as jealousy of his time and attention when he is out with her. Any ideas or tips?
I look forward to finding out so much more about a poly lifestyle, especially experiences as a married couple, and having young children. Thank you for listening!