I had a bad day yesterday.
I had agreed to help a work colleague/friend with a personal project, a large project. It turned into basically "can you do it?" I slaved over it at the weekend, and had already put hours into it previously, then on Tuesday my own work schedule blew up and I found out some things about the ex and alcohol which will require lawyer time and court. I told the colleague that I really couldn't be responsible for the project, I could help but I was overloaded for the time being. He did not take it well, he ended up hanging up on me and then left a mean spirited voicemail.
I ended up in alomst in tears in the car and after not getting through to the support network, I IMed Kip. He was in a meeting but said tell me what's up? He was a great support, said I was not being unreasonable about backing out of the project and said that offering help was good but not wanting to be responsible for virtually the entire thing, did not make me a bad friend.
I rarely say no. I agonized over the decision even down to contemplating delaying my next class to help the guy. Kip pointed out that I am a single parent with 2 small kids, alcoholic unreliable ex, full-time job and Master's program and no family to physically help. That put it into perspective.
He called after the meeting too. Not bad for a guy who said no to emotional attachment way back when.
This all ties in to ColorsWolfs thread about open relationships and limits.
I am surprised at how far Kip and I have come with healthy attachment and support.
Kip asked me today if I miss him. I said I won't admit to that, would he? He said yes, I miss you. I saw him twice last week and once this week, but this week time was short. It is hard for me to ask for help but he has been there for me on more than one occasion.
I saw Prof 4 times this week. Very handy being 10 minutes away. He seems to enjoy popping round after the kids are asleep for a cup of tea, chat and bit of tv. Of course we had our regular evening and sleep over too.
Considering I see him faaaaar more than Kip, I didn't even contemplate calling him on Thursday. I suppose I knew he would be busy, but I didn't even try.
Why not? I don't think I have even been stressed or out of sorts when I see him, he always gets the calm, stable me, which I am most of the time. In times of crisis I turn to family, time difference allowing, friends, work schedule allowing. It's me. As I have noted before, it takes a long time for me to open up, it is easier in writing, so I suppose as Kip and I IM incessantly, he gets to know the side of me that I don't often verbalize. Yo has experienced a few meltdowns via text.
Prof is a dear. He is like me in that we are best at offering practical help. My work laptop is on the fritz again. I am typing on his spare right now. I made us dinner last night, I used bottled vinaigrette, he offered to make me a batch of his home made vinaigrette. I shared some of my concerns over the ex and the booze. He said he can get some papers that will help when I meet the lawyer. He says I am a very strong woman. I haven't shared that I feel like Sisyphus pushing the rock up the hill. We text but I don't really share. He just texted me a funny news story. It's on me. I keep coming back to the same issue, I am not good at sharing emotions.
Me: mid 40s female
Mr Dom: late 40s male, single
Prof: 50s. we are working on things, single
Jay: early 50s male, divorcing.
Kip: early 50s. former lover, married