Yes the op's use of we comes across to me as the wife's boyfriend is goingto have to "date" BOTH the op and his wife. He is not going to be able to date his girlfriend solo without the op getting involved. He has to hang out with and keep her husband happy or there will be issues.
The op seems to be to be too invested in his wife's relationship. She needs to learn to not drag her concerns to her husband on everything in the relationship with her boyfriend because her husband will jump to help or defense. Who wouldn't if you truly love someone. But that isn't healthy for her relationship with her boyfriend.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.