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Old 10-25-2013, 10:16 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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I voted for not sure because I'm not entirely clear about how to answer.

My view is that we all have limits. Limits of our own and we are also limited by the others around us - even if we freely choose to accept those limits, they are still there.

I choose to wear flat soled shoes pretty much all of the time, to leave my hair to dry naturally and to almost never put make up on my face. This makes me feel more free. It makes it very unlikely I'd ever find myself being close to people who feel that it's important for their friends or lovers to wear heels, makeup and visit the hair dresser lots. Their limits mean that I can only have limited contact with those sort of people. My limits mean that I maintain those barriers. This isn't an issue to me at all - in fact, I see it as a benefit. I don't want to hang around with people who talk about hair, shoes and make up all the time so making myself unattractive to those people is a good thing for me. There is no doubt, however, that it does limit the number of people I have open to me as friends and lovers.

Quote:
I'm not going to "frazzle" or stress myself out coming up with countless HUGE "daily planner" schedules for "quality time" as I don't like schedules I take things as they come.~
To me, this is a limit - one as strong as my own decision to avoid makeup, hair dressers and heels on my shoes.

I have a number of acquaintances who absolutely live their lives as you describe. They take things as they come, don't schedule in time in advance. You see them when you see them. Some of these people are folks I like lots and get on well with. It's often a pleasure to see them but I don't consider them to be friends and there is no way that a relationship between me and somebody like that could ever be anything other than a very casual thing. I have no problem with having a few casual acquaintances in my life who I see sporadically.

But - I very much enjoy having close, long term relationships. I like seeing those that I love develop over time and remaining in their lives. I gain a massive amount of joy from knowing that there are people in my life who've seen me grow over time. So for me, I like to set up my life to enable me to have the relationships that I feel most comfortable in.

I'm busy. I have a job, voluntary work, a family to visit, lots of friends, a partner and a massively important relationship with a dog. A full and happy life. This means that if I'm going to have the sorts of relationships I want, I need to schedule in quality time. Especially as many of those close to me have busy lives too. If we didn't text and agree to meet a week on Saturday for lunch or get together after a meeting to set up a weekend to spend together, it just wouldn't happen.

For me, when I meet somebody new who makes it clear that they prefer to take things as they come and not deal with schedules, the relationship tends not to develop into anything terribly important to me.

For me, seeking our own freedom usually means that we are limited in some ways. It isn't a problem in itself, just a thing that happens.

I think that recognising and being aware of the limits can help deal with some of the unpleasant emotions that go along with them. I used to get very upset if I met somebody who seemed interesting and who was engaging with others but who would just dismiss me. Until I noticed that very often the people that happened with would be folks who very clearly take time with their appearance. Wear make-up, shiny shoes, ironed clothes and the like.

Easier to deal with people who value those things not wanting to talk to me when I realise that I present myself to the world as somebody who does not. It's my choice to have those limits and knowing that helps me deal with the rejection of people who don't want to talk to me.

IP
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