View Single Post
  #56  
Old 10-25-2013, 04:07 AM
Piroska's Avatar
Piroska Piroska is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 78
Default

Guy - both his brothers know he's poly, but so far they only know about our attempted triad with our ex-girlfriend J. He's leery about telling them about my current relationship with Morp (because he's a man, and that would be more frowned on than a woman). His sister would never speak to me again if she found out about Morp - not that she does now, anyway, but it would be even more of a stone wall. His parents also know about J; but while his mom pretty much ignored it, his dad stopped talking to me until the end of the relationship - and now pretends I never sent him a long letter with reference articles etc (probably a stupid move, but I was trying to help him understand it, since he wasn't talking to me) or that J was ever in the picture. Again, if Morp was mentioned - it would be worse. Now that his grandfather is moving in state - he wants to keep it even quieter. On the other hand - he found out the ethnic community he's part of actually has an active swinger contingent - which is so very funny, and makes him a little less terrified of the prospect of the (very tight knit) community finding out about us.

Morp - the sibling he's currently roommates with is very very strict religiously - she would hate me, and kick him out for dating a married woman. So, she's not getting told. He's told his kids about me, though, since he's divorced and they were pestering him to date again. Other people in his life know.

I told my parents separately (they're divorced) - she was more worried than I expected, about stds and the kids' perceptions. My dad thinks it's all about sex, which I guess makes sense - he cheated on mom, and then they sorta-kinda tried poly - his famous words "I liked my mistress so much I brought her home to meet my wife" - but after that broke up he just stuck to regular cheating. My middle sister knows (she bought me Sex at Dawn when she found out, cause she's awesome like that), and my eldest and youngest will know next time I have a chance to really talk to them.

The kids haven't been told in so many words yet - when J was staying weekends she was "mommy's friend who is having a sleepover" (just like they have sleepovers at their friend's houses). I've talked in general about the theory of poly - more in the; 'it's fine for people to have multiple relationships as long as everyone agrees'. Which is reassuring to my second daughter - she and her best friend both have a crush on the same boy in their class. (yikes). And I refer to Morp casually in conversation sometimes - like in a conversation we had about movies the other day - his tastes are different than Guy's - but they haven't met yet.

I wasn't out at work until Morp took me to lunch one day and when he dropped me back off he and I were kissing in the truck when a coworker came out to leave for the day. So I introduced him to her - I didn't want her to think I was cheating. She was a little weirded out - but I'd brought up poly before, mostly cause of the dating website our boss was on that he wanted to give us updates on his (lack of) success all the time. After I quit that job I was at a client's office and had to leave by a certain time so was rushing to get done, and running late - he asked about why I was rushing and I told him I had a date with my boyfriend. If anyone would have taken it badly I think he would have - very conservative, religious, etc - but he'd already started bugging me to tell him about my book (erotica) and I'd warned him I had "non mainstream relationships" which he insisted didn't bother him - so I up and told him. He did a double take at the mention of boyfriend - and I reminded him 'non mainstream, remember?' and breezed out the door. So - at this point - I'm just about completely out.

It definitely helps though, that I'm not tied to a job any more. Cause while I don't know if my former boss would have taken it badly - he could have, and he's very arbitrary, so I could have found myself fired. (Tiny firm, no real recourse.) And my current biggest client - I haven't told yet, but his son is gay, so it's less likely that he'll freak out when he finds out.

Oh - and I started wearing a bracelet about a year ago (most days, not every day) when I was tired of being invisible (it's pretty easy to mistake me for a heterosexual mono vanilla woman) - that has the leather flag (red heart, black, blue and white), the diversity flag (rainbow), the polyamory flag (gold pi sign, blue, red and black), and the bisexual flag (pink, purple, blue). Most people don't know what it means and therefore ignore it, but I feel more comfortable knowing that I'm "out" without being in-your-face, and if someone else recognizes one or more it enables a softer approach, conversation starter.
__________________
current relationships:
Guy - Dom/husband
Cru - (no longer dating)
Reply With Quote