Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 10-25-2013, 12:13 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 915
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I just read ColorsWolf's thread about limitations, and I wanted to expand on it.

I have self-imposed limits. I get the whole, "One must make time for things that are important," but my plate is full. I keep looking like how in the world did I think this was ever going to work? Outside of my self-imposed limits, post-fallout, Matt created a list of about 30 different boundaries. Our therapist tried unsuccessfully to whittle them down. He was not having it. He is still holding on to them and compromise is just not something he is willing to do when it comes to his needs and boundaries.

If I was in another relationship right now, the last window of opportunity to just see a person would have been mid-September. To give an idea of just how much I have been in motion since the end of September...I was on a girls holiday with my daughter, mum, and MIL, from 21st September until 4th October. I spent that entire weekend with my son, DH, and catching up on rest, and I returned to work full-time on Monday. School resumed on Tuesday.

If all that was not enough, on the 16th, we left for the UK. We arrived on the 17th. We attended a funeral on the 19th and got on a flight that same night, We returned home on Monday morning and had 3.5 hours to spare before making school runs and going to work until 3 PM. From 3:15-7 and from 9-12, every day, I have been on my toes with my children and Matt. This weekend? Doing it all over again. DH and I are leaving for London today, attending a funeral the early part of Saturday, taking part in my best friend's vow renewal on Saturday (in the Cote d'Azur), flying out in the small hours of Sunday, and we will be back here on Monday morning to go to work.

Lots of time for a relationship, huh? My only free time these days are the weekends, and I have been tied up for three out of four weekends this month. Not to mention that is family time. The only people I have wanted to be around during this period of grieving have been my family. When I say I do not have the time for someone, it is reality. I feel pretty confident in saying that my schedule is not going to lighten up.

I look at people in amazement who could balance all of this seamlessly and never miss a beat. I just do not see a way that the way I once lived and constructed my life would ever be possible again.

33 weeks post-apocalypse...still hanging in there and wading through this battlefield.
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.

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Last edited by FullofLove1052; 10-25-2013 at 02:27 AM.
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