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Old 10-24-2013, 10:06 PM
RainyGrlJenny's Avatar
RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 165
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Wow, it's been a ridiculously long time since I've posted here. My only defense is that life has been pretty mundane, and time rolls on without anything exciting happening.

Fly's and my relationship continues to evolve. In August, he told me he wasn't sure if he still wanted to be with me as my boyfriend. He also told me that he's been barebacking with Notes (which is a deal-breaker, as I won't fuck him or give blowjobs without condoms if he's not using protection with others, and he doesn't want to use condoms with me). I asked him if he thought he was moving into a more serious relationship with her, but he claims he still just wants her as a fuckbuddy. The only reason I even got that much information out of him was because he was trapped in the car with me for a 4-hour road trip. His lack of communication and his unwillingness to deal with anything unpleasant is beyond frustrating for me. He ended the conversation by saying that he wanted to talk more, but needed time to think. We never revisited the conversation.

However, things have sort of leveled off. We don't have sex or sleep together, ever, but we do kiss and hug. We've always gotten along really well in terms of living together and parenting, so that's been okay. He's affirmed that he still loves me, just doesn't have a romantic spark for me anymore. Day-to-day life is pleasant, even though I'm mourning the loss of our former relationship dynamic.

I don't really want to break up, mostly because I love him, but also because if it came to the point of not living together, I would lose everything. The house is his, Kiddo is his child but not mine biologically, so I'd lose my child, my home, most of my pets, the chickens and garden, everything. There's no animosity, we care about each other and are good friends and partners, so I don't feel like I need to cut ties at this point.

I think we'll probably roll along the way we are until/unless something big happens in one of our lives. At this point, it feels like the relationship is changing rather than ending, and while I'm not happy about it, the pros of staying outweigh the cons.

Moonlight and I are happy. She'd like to see more of me, but understands that my life is crazy and busy. Our Florida trip is less than a month away, and we're calling it our "honeymoon. We spend at least a couple nights a week together, and have taken several little weekend trips that have been lovely. Our relationship has been very stable and strong for quite a while now. A nice little bonus - I attended Moonlight's granddaughter's second birthday party, and one of her exes showed up. I'm not a jealous person, but this woman makes me crazy, mostly because she treated Moonlight horribly when they were together, and because she's a drunk and drug addicted and just all kinds of messed up. No drama happened, but it did cause Moonlight's daughter and a couple of her close friends to pull me aside and tell me how happy they are that she's dating me instead of the ex, and how I have their support in my relationship with her. That was reassuring, because I'd had doubts about her daughter's feelings about me since the beginning.

Punk and I are mostly text buddies now. He's got his big, busy poly tribe going on, and I feel stretched by all my relationship, parenting, household, and job responsibilities. I still consider him a close friend, but less often a sexyfriend.

Which means that despite dating two dudes, I have a serious lack of cock in my sex life! So, of course, I'm totally craving a good hard fucking. I haven't really gone looking for someone for a while, but I may need to think about finding a new FWB man-type. One of my old sexyfriends has resurfaced lately, but I'd have to sleep with his wife too, and she's batshit crazy, so that's not an option. Might have to dust off the old OKC account.
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35/bi/f

- Moonlight, single, leans monogamous, girlfriend since 6/2012
- Punk, married guy, poly, FWB since 9/2011 with an emphasis on the "F"
- No longer lives with ex-boyfriend Fly (1/2006 - 12/2013, my introduction to nonmonogamy), and his 9-year-old son Kiddo
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