You have my empathy, as this resonates with me due to a similar experience.
Sounds to me like she's completely devaluing you. "NSA sex with you would be hot?" I would be crushed if someone I loved and wanted to marry said that to me, knowing I was hurting. She might be confused, she might be young, but it sounds like she is profoundly lacking in empathy.
That you would even consider painful, expensive, unnecessary surgery to be taller for her, that you would even think of moving East for "crumbs" of her affection tells me you don't have any boundaries, and you need to work on that.
Eight months ago, the woman I opened my marriage to be with went cold on me. I adored her, mind and body, and I was heartsick. I felt like I'd fallen for a bait-and-switch when the passionate, attentive woman who had pursued me so intensely, suddenly and inexplicably lost interest in me, and I found myself taking a backseat to any and every new dating opportunity. I too thought about just accepting her crumbs, as she probably would have kept giving them to me. But really, what would that have said about me? I'm not a toy you can put on a shelf and pick up when you're bored. That wasn't the relationship I wanted with her, so I left.
My advice is that if you don't want to be her secondary guy, don't settle for it.
There's nothing wrong with being someone's secondary guy if that's the relationship you want with that person, and the relationship works. But it doesn't sound like this is going to work for you, be honest.
Let her go. It's going to hurt for a while, so make friends with your pain. Eventually, you'll realize this was about her and not anything wrong with you.