Originally Posted by dali5671
There is no commitment between them per se, I think she was asking the open ended question, "What will happen in the future"? And expressing a fear of it ending...
I think all of us are pretty happy with the amount of time we get together, he has spent time with the kids, and we took him with us on an overnight vacation this September.
Hmm, I guess I am thinking this need for some kind of formal words of commitment is a bit... conventional? Grasping? Desperate sounding?
When I met my gf I was coming out of a 32 year relationship. We'd gotten married, had kids, houses, the whole enchilada. I did NOT have commitment on my mind. Turns out we clicked so well, we are still together after nearly 5 years (and many other partners that came and went). I took as commitment when we'd plan special dates months ahead. If bf doesn't do this, maybe he's not planning on sticking around? Does he seem restless, untrustworthy, sketchy in some way? In poly, you often can't "commit" the way a mono couple can. Going from dating, to dating exclusively, moving in together, engagement, marriage, buying a house, having kids.
I think you and your wife should look at how commitment works in polyamory. My gf and I finally moved in together, after 4 years of separate apartments. We do not plan to marry (even though same sex marriage is legal in our state.) My bf of almost 2 years is already married, has a house and kids with his wife. But we do plan special dates months in advance, he's stuck by me through trying emotional family issues, through health issues, and me by him. That is how we know we are committed to each other, other than outward trappings of exclusivity, a ring, a marriage ceremony before our families.
I don't need this "I love you forever, happily ever after" thing. I get along great with my partners, we have lots of fun. We support each other. Maybe not having a ring, and "I love you forever" makes us less likely to take a partner for granted.
He's aware I am bi, and it doesn't impede our improving dynamic in bed.
Ah, so you do have 3somes. I guess as a bi male, and with the hot wifing background, this is important to you? Does he and wife also have lots of one on one sex and cuddle time? That is bonding. Bonding leads to commitment.