So BF & I have enjoyed almost 8 years together, 7 of them were mono years. The last year has been great exploring our poly sides, mostly because of all the open honesty that we now have for each other.
Ok, so here's the thing though. We recently started dating a female together. This is BF's coworker and someone he knew many years ago. She is a bit younger than me, and I can deal with that
I would like to say that our main issue is lack of common intrests, but it really is deaper than that. Normally she comes to our house. Usualy by herself and sometimes with her BF. So, a couple of days ago she invites us over to her house, and I was astonished by what I saw when I got there. I don't want to sound stuck up, so without going into too many details, she is living in a very dangerous environment. I felt a little betrayed that day because she was in her territory and was comfortable and I got to see a totaly different side of her. Now because of it, BF and I have prematuraly invited her to live with us. This stemmed from us being frightened for her and her children.
Then, I find out she is coming to see us behind her BF's back, and "getting in trouble" when she gets home. I am not a homewrecker and I am not comfortable with this. I was originally told that her BF knew that she was dating us, but I didn't know her BF was interested in also dating me (not going to happen!). I think this is the real reason he now has hang-ups on her dating us without him. I feel like I was told so many things and shown what I wanted to see, so i was really confused when I saw her home (and what was going on there), and she sat next to me on the couch lying to him about being at my home.
I have told BF about my hang-ups with this. He understands, but he really likes her and feels sorry for her (I'm sorry, I don't, she is an adult that makes her own decisions). I am willing to continue feeling out the situation for now, but I am sad that nothing is really what it seemed. I like her enough, but enough is not what we are looking for. I haven't even had a moment alone with her to tell her how I feel, instead my BF is the in between (and sometimes words and feelings get twisted)
I'm not really looking for advice, but if you have any it sure would be handy!
I really could use some support while I figure this out.