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Old 03-15-2010, 07:09 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Okay. Poor GG! I mean really. The man is cornered it sounds like. Knowing his history as I do and perhaps others on here, I totally get why this is a struggle for him. He has known these guys for 14 years? They are his peeps! Just as you and maca are LR.

He is also in a tough spot as I see it. Know doubt he is not so stupid he doesn't know it. He is being asked to do some major shifting and changing in his life this year as becoming an official boyfriend to you, an official family member to your whole family and now he has to face his friends and risk losing them at such a tentative time?! Not fair I think. Can that not wait? You are asking him to trust his position in the family enough to possibly chose you all over what sounds like his only other support system.

I totally get this sucks for you. Believe me, I have been there with nerdists friends. They thought I was a repeat of his last girlfriend (controlling and bossy) . I had to earn their trust by getting involved. Talking with them, calling them up and asking them to take nerdist out because I knew he felt torn between me and them and because I knew that his friends thought I wouldn't let him out. They were impressed and had no other alternative than to give me a chance. I charmed them basically. Otherwise, as Eugenepoet said, they would call me a bitch for being angry and frustrated.

Nerdist had to decide between the bond of his friends and me. I chose to make it so that he didn't have to. As it has turned out, he became so wrapped up in me and our life together he lost interest in their ways and stood up for me when they became judgmental again. He couldn't of put up with it a moment longer by then because what we have meant more and was more safe to him than the safety of his friends. He couldn't bare to have that challenged any more.

Why? Because he trusted his place in my life by then. He felt secure and safe within that.

I would suggest, for many different reasons, GG doesn't feel safe enough to leave the security of his friends yet. Or challenge their behaviour. He doesn't agree with them. You know that LR. He just needs time I think and needs to be encouraged and helped, not told he isn't a man because he doesn't do things like maca does. He doesn't have the same sense of security maca does. He is protecting himself. He needs to feel like he has a safe place to come home to when he finally challenges them.

With all due respect and possibly not knowing all the details, have patience and find ways to help him with this. That is what my version of family is, to help those I love by sucking up my hurt and facing diversity with a big smile and be a gracious host sometimes. Bake them some cookies and give the biggest and baddest a call and tell them you are so glad they are GGs buddy because he needs them to be supportive. See what happens, its worth a try. I wonder if they won't melt a little, maybe enough to see you aren't the bitch they think you are. This is no issue for a dom. This is between you and GG. Maca should be sitting back and supporting both of you by just being an active listener in my opinion.
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