Had a short discussion last night where O said to me that if I were to get pregnant he doesn't know if he would stick around. I am shocked.
I have had 2 abortions in my life already, and I am now very careful about birthcontrol. I truly believe in a woman's right to choose, and my choice is to never do that again. I just don't know if I would forgive myself at this point, since I know I am fully capable of taking care of a baby.
Now - I REALLY don't want one, I don't know if I want one ever, in fact. But if it were to happen, I would handle it.
I am confused about how I feel, and trying to understand how a man could feel in this situation. I know it must feel like he doesn't have control in the situation (to a point, he could not have sex... then no one would get pregnant).
He mentioned adding condoms to our sex lives. This makes me feel awkward too - One of the benefits of a LTR is no condoms. Then, I would be on birth control and condoms and others just using condoms. I trust condoms WAY less than my birth control, and all of the sudden I feel like they are a higher risk of pregnancy than me, someone who should be trusted. It makes me feel like I've been put in a little cage.
I don't want a baby right now, if ever, I have other things I want to do with my life. He knows this. I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach now, that I have been trying so hard to trust someone that I may not even be able to depend on in one of my life's toughest situations.