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Old 10-23-2013, 01:26 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by WalksThroughFire35 View Post

I have looked for other partners, but have yet to find anyone non-monogamous that I was interested in.
Thats common. But honestly, with how infrequently mono/non-mono world seems to jive, I might just avoid mono's altogether. And in fact I do.

Ok thats a lie, but I am also not limited to just poly, so sometimes I have had fun with mono's but thats a different beast.

The issue really is that she is completely emotionally monogamous, and although she has opened up to communicating with me on a very intimate level, she continually gets hurt at the idea that I have a partner and she cannot be the only one in my life.
If you pursue this, it is possible (anything is in relationships) but you both have a shit tonne of work to do. She would need to understand and want to be mono with you, while you aren't mono with her. Thats a tonne of potential drama and work you both need to decide to do.

Possible yes!.. do you want to do it, is it worth it? Only you can decide.

I know it sounds weird because she has a partner, but I think when we are communicating, she finds herself living in an "alternate reality" where the rest of the world does not exist.
In poly we call in NRE.. in the real world we call it infatuation.. sometimes it just boils down to lust.

Its shiny now, its exciting now.. what happens when that luster wears off? Who ends up hurt?

It makes me wonder if I am just crazy for even going about this, or if it is possible to just visit her in this "alternate reality" or "parallel dimension" when we communicate, where she can believe for a little while that nothing else exists ... where if she is on board with it, I just wouldn't talk about my other relationships. I mean, I would rather have something with her than nothing at all .... but not at the expense of our mental health. I guess I'm wondering if this would be healthy or not, but I also know that love is not easily put into categories of "healthy" and "unhealthy."
Again up to you. I can only describe what I wouldn't do. I avoid the obviously dramatic. This will be dramatic and will cause turmoil and heart ache before it ever settles into something within this reality.

But have I just "picked" the wrong person?
haha.. sounds like a strawberry.. no picking in relationships.

Has anyone else had experience with this?
Yes.. my first "poly" relationships was one sided with me loving her, and her being mono. She was the smart one of the two of us and cut it off. Knowing full well it could never work. We loved to fuck but could never love..

It worked out for the best, a little over a year later we were again close friends and the NRE had subsided enough for my lizard brain to shut the fuck up. I had also been in another relationship which helped..

I still love her, but the insane drive to be in a relationship with her is well under control. Now I have the best of what I can get with her and its now what I want. A solid friendship. And no drama.
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