Ah, gee, um. Maybe I'm just too tired from travel, jet lagged, need sleep.
Lobe and I are adjusting to the long-distance... It's a bit scary and panicking me a little.
Okay, let me be honest: I'm a mess, my stomach's a clenched fist, I can't focus on any of the shit I need to get done. From what I can tell, Lobe's wavering between making a clean break now, or working things through.
I don't feel safe. I feel very vulnerable. And yet, I can't bring myself to cut free and move on. I feel that would be a pre-emptive strike driven by fear.
Shit shit shit.
It's been affecting my ability to enjoy time today with Grotto and Ocean. Was good to see both of them, but - especially with Grotto - I can't fully connect. I'm caught up in this unfinished business with Lobe.
Jesus. I miss him.
Ocean's been sweet, said he's there to talk if I want to talk. But I don't really feel like talking with either him or Grotto about this.
Have asked Lobe if he can make time to chat tonight. Let's see.