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Old 10-23-2013, 08:12 AM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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Ah, gee, um. Maybe I'm just too tired from travel, jet lagged, need sleep.

Lobe and I are adjusting to the long-distance... It's a bit scary and panicking me a little.

Okay, let me be honest: I'm a mess, my stomach's a clenched fist, I can't focus on any of the shit I need to get done. From what I can tell, Lobe's wavering between making a clean break now, or working things through.

I don't feel safe. I feel very vulnerable. And yet, I can't bring myself to cut free and move on. I feel that would be a pre-emptive strike driven by fear.

Shit shit shit.

It's been affecting my ability to enjoy time today with Grotto and Ocean. Was good to see both of them, but - especially with Grotto - I can't fully connect. I'm caught up in this unfinished business with Lobe.

Jesus. I miss him.

Ocean's been sweet, said he's there to talk if I want to talk. But I don't really feel like talking with either him or Grotto about this.

Have asked Lobe if he can make time to chat tonight. Let's see.

Ach. Hurting
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