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Old 10-23-2013, 01:49 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,703
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Quote:
How do I not mess up what he has with her?
You behave like a polite normal regular person and let them deal with their relationship. You could talk to BF to see if he can spot any possible sore spots and make the plan to address them NOW so you can feel prepared.

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What if seeing us side by side destroys something for him?
What do you think it will destroy and how are his thoughts/feelings your responsibility? In other words... say he sees you both side by side. It destroys _____. This is bad/horrible how?


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What if she's ugly?!
This is bad/ horrible how? You and your partner will not always find the same kinds of people attractive. If you want to solve this ahead of time, ask him to show you a picture of her. There.

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What if she and I can't get along in person?
You say "Excuse me. This feels a bit awkward and I feel a bit overwhelmed. I'd like to have a time out to regroup. I'll check back in later."

And you leave and go have a time out.

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What if we don't actually 'hang out' or anything and she just exists?
You say "I am worried you aren't being included in the conversation. Are you doing ok there? Could you be willing to let me know so I can feel not worried?"

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What if my jealousy rears its ugly head when it's not just knowing he's having sex with her but that he's having sex with her and I could (in theory) interrupt it?
You could talk to him about this NOW, and ask if he plans to have sex with her on this conference trip and what you might need for before care/after care if so.

Maybe it means you don't go to meet her. But could sort it now rather than wait til the last minute. See if that helps alleviate your anxiety about that issue and have relief about it now to lessen your anxiety load.

Sometimes taking assertive action is better than "what iffing" in your head for relieving anxiety.

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Am I freaking out for no good reason...
You are feeling anxious. Could not evaluate it as for "bad" or "good" reasons. Could just accept that's what you are dealing with right now and let it blow on through. Could focus on behaviors to bring the anxiety level back down rather than fighting that it is even there to be felt.

Could stop with the "should" talk in your head if you are also having some of that. Change it to "could" so you aren't hearing "I should do this I should do that" and it becomes "I could do this, I could do that."

Quote:
or have other people met their partner's other when that person was never going to be/become a third for you as a couple?
Are you hoping she becomes a third for you as a couple? Or worried YOU will be asked to be a third in their couple? In other words... are you worried you will be asked to consider changing from a "V" to a "triad?" on this trip?

If so you can say "No thank you. I am not prepared to consider that at this time. I can only deal with one big thing at a time and just meeting the other GF on this trip is huge for me. I'll need time at home to digest that before taking on a new big thing like changing boundaries of this relationship."

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 10-23-2013 at 01:59 AM.
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