Thanks Rick and Ceoli.
Rick, thank you for your story and yes, it does feel that way sometimes. He makes me feel like I'm back in high school sometimes with how anxious I'd get when we do get to spend any time together. But I will wait on the flirting thing. I have a habit of jumping off the deep end (as you can probably see) and I'd hate to hurt someone or get hurt even more. I have thought about trying to find someone else to help take my mind off Elric, but that really wouldn't be fair to the new guy.
Ceoli, you are right. I do have to clean out the wound, cauterize it, and let it heal. It is probably a good thing that I won't be back in IL for a few months (unless something bad happens in the family) so we can start to establish our plutonic friendship again.
Since my last monster post, nothing has happened with Elric. I posted a comment on one of his statuses and he replies, just like nothing is different, but he hasn't tried talking to me yet which is ok. I am hoping to get some sort of reply to my email but if not then I will probably send one more and then stick to the final "I'm done." I don't think I would have brought any of this stuff up with him if we hadn't been having such a good heart to heart and since his defensive response is to go on the offensive, I guess I'm tired of feeling like the bad guy when there really isn't a bad guy.
I will always love Elric and that is fine, but as Mono pointed out in the original starting topic, it's how you need to express your love that matters. It doesn't have to have a physical expression like sex...and I think I may be starting to get that feeling and understanding finally. I know that in time I will be able to love him as just a friend and that hugs and a kiss on the cheek (which he is ok with) will be all I need to express how I feel.
Little Blue Engine thanks you for your support.
I think I can I think I can...