View Single Post
Old 03-15-2010, 05:11 AM
jackrabbit's Avatar
jackrabbit jackrabbit is offline
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Houston Texas area
Posts: 22

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I've always had trouble when I've tried to shape relationships the way you seem to be describing. Most people I know have trouble when they try to shape relationships.
I do tend to be regimented. Comes from being a software engineer, I guess. But again, people can disregard any part of the gag they wish.
Everyone is different. I have no doubt that for some people, variety is "a" reason to be poly. For me, it's not even that.
Is there a point to poly without it? What would be the reason for forming a relationship with someone who is a clone of your current partner?
I don't get it. If the bad traits bother me so much that I need to get away from them, why would I want to spend any time at all with them? I don't play a "good points/bad points" game with people I love. If I feel as though I have to do a "pros and cons" list of dating someone, then it's a sure sign that I'm just looking for an excuse to break up with them. I'm just speaking of myself personally, of course your mileage may vary, which is what makes life so interesting!
Annoying habits is just one example. Another is dysfunction. If one of your partners was suddenly unable to have sex any more, for physical reasons, the other partners would take up the slack. You would just have to concentrate on the other desirable characteristics of that person. But you would not be sexually frustrated, as you would in a mono relationship.
I honestly don't feel that it is the same thing at all. What you seem to be describing is "getting away from person A to be with person B because you need a break from person A because he's annoying." What I'm describing is "getting away from all persons to be alone with person ME because I need a break from persons."
I can see the value of both.
I don't want you to feel that I'm attacking you or your ideas. As someone else mentioned, this is a neat idea and it could very well work for you. But I'm just pointing out that this is something "for you" and something that may work "for others" but is by no means something that will work "for everyone." For me, it's too formal and rigid. I'm an easy-going, go-with-the-flow kinda girl. I find it too stressful to make rules about how much attention so-and-so gets. My relationships will develop into an appropriate amount of time and attention in their own rights without me trying to force them into some ideal.
No problem. The people who like the idea can try it and if it doesn't work exactly right for them as described, they can adjust it until it does. I never said it was The Way Polyamory Should Be.
Reply With Quote