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Old 10-22-2013, 02:00 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872
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Honestly I think you have answered all your own questions.

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He spent a while breaking down the immense barriers I had put up on loving him because I knew that was a part of him and I also knew that just isn't me. But against all intelligent advice
Doesn't seem healthy. You were clear, he broke down the wall, now he wants compromise.

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emotional abuse. Asking about my flaws and insecurities and saying hell try to help me get over them made me feel like a project.
You sound completely reasonable and logical. It sounds like you have a strong grasp of self.. it sounds like he wanted to fix you into something he could have

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I'm still pretty tender and volatile when I think about him and other women, even now that we're apart.
Not an unreasonable response

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My mother tells me he and I are both young, he might grow out of it.
I hope you realize she is probably wrong.

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he could be happy with ''just me'' and if I ever felt open to the idea of poly,
Key here is true. Can you and do you trust him?

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just doesn't seem like something I'm capable of doing. But this guy means more than the sun and stars to me, and I owe it to him, to me, to any possibility of our healthy future together, to ask for advice.
I think you answered you own question. But the reality is, you can do the work, do some soul searching and try and figure out if you fit into a poly mold. We can't answer that, and I think most of us have seen it is possible.. but the chances are very low. How much of this abuse (not necessarily from him but from the poly construct) are you willing to take to "try this out"

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We did have other plain old vanilla couple issues,
We all do

Reading your post, I don't see the usual emotional wishy washiness. You love the guy, you have that attachment.. but love doesn't make relationships. Love is one piece.. it doesn't sound like the relationship construct around the love will work for a healthy you.. thats the important part.

He has been selfish in his methods.. maybe you need to be a bit too
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