View Single Post
  #14  
Old 03-15-2010, 03:14 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,238
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jackrabbit View Post
In other places I say "equal attention". That is probably better for what I am trying to say, because it eliminates the scheduling aspect you are talking about. And it highlights that I mean romantic activities rather than the administrative stuff of the household.
I still don't devote "equal attention" to my friends. I have a best friend whom I make a point to see more often because I care more about that friendship and I want to nurture it, even if that means I have less time for other friends. Myself, I enjoy solitude and some of my friends enjoy being with people constantly. If they tried to give me as much attention as they give their other friends, I would probably find them annoying and I would try to avoid them.

Even if I start dating someone new, I make a point of setting aside time for my old friends because they may be "just friends" but they've been with me a lot longer than some fly-by-night beau and they'll be there long after he's gone. I just have relationships, some are friendly some are romantic some are sexual, and they develop in their own ways. I've always had trouble when I've tried to shape relationships the way you seem to be describing. Most people I know have trouble when they try to shape relationships.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jackrabbit View Post
Variety is a reason. It doesn't have to be the reason.
Everyone is different. I have no doubt that for some people, variety is "a" reason to be poly. For me, it's not even that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jackrabbit View Post
Well, that's kinda the point. Everyone has good traits and bad traits. When you break off the relationship, you lose the good as well as the bad. If you do care for the person, and can have regular breaks from the bad traits, you have less reason to break up completely.
I don't get it. If the bad traits bother me so much that I need to get away from them, why would I want to spend any time at all with them? I don't play a "good points/bad points" game with people I love. If I feel as though I have to do a "pros and cons" list of dating someone, then it's a sure sign that I'm just looking for an excuse to break up with them. I'm just speaking of myself personally, of course your mileage may vary, which is what makes life so interesting!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jackrabbit View Post
Quote:
I prefer to look at it as "getting 'me time'" than "getting away from my husband because he's annoying"
Isn't that just a different way of saying the same thing? That's one of the reasons you want the me time, is it not?
I honestly don't feel that it is the same thing at all. What you seem to be describing is "getting away from person A to be with person B because you need a break from person A because he's annoying." What I'm describing is "getting away from all persons to be alone with person ME because I need a break from persons."

I'll be the first to admit, it's a rare and wonderful thing to find someone whom you enjoy being around even when they're behaving in a way that you find exasperating. That fact was one of the most obvious signs for me that I wanted to share my life with this person: that no matter how many things he did that bugged me, I still wanted to curl up beside him at night. The exact same behaviours which drove me crazy and made me want to get away from other people were completely tolerable and even endearing in him.



I don't want you to feel that I'm attacking you or your ideas. As someone else mentioned, this is a neat idea and it could very well work for you. But I'm just pointing out that this is something "for you" and something that may work "for others" but is by no means something that will work "for everyone." For me, it's too formal and rigid. I'm an easy-going, go-with-the-flow kinda girl. I find it too stressful to make rules about how much attention so-and-so gets. My relationships will develop into an appropriate amount of time and attention in their own rights without me trying to force them into some ideal.
__________________
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
—bisexualbaker

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 03-15-2010 at 03:33 AM.
Reply With Quote