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Old 03-14-2010, 06:45 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Hi Kori - and thanks for sharing this !

You mind us taking you 3 on as a "project" and seeing if we can't help make this work - or at least fail because of compatibility (yet to be determined) problems rather than procedural <chuckle>

We have a couple threads going now and tons in the past discussing primary/secondary relationship beginnings. Your situation sparked me to start yet another !

Can we just start with a couple basics ?

1> Living this is NEW to everyone-despite all the theory in the books. Have some patience, compassion, and a bit of a thicker skin maybe for the mistakes that ARE going to happen.

2> You seem to have good clarity of what you "hope" will develop from your perspective. Be flexible. Assume nothing.

Originally Posted by korindino View Post

Which would work, ideally, but unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world.

My heart aches because apparently, having me around has brought to the surface a number of issues that had been brewing in their relationship. Allegedly, they rarely fought before they knew me, but since we met, Alex and Jenny have been having numerous arguments, many of them having to do with me in some way.

I try not to rock the boat, but apparently by just being here, I'm causing trouble. Both of them assure me that it's not my fault, that I didn't do anything. I can't help but feel like I've somehow tainted something good.
YOU are NOT rocking any boat ! Believe that. When they say YOU are NOT the source of any conflict between them - BELIEVE THEM !
As you either know or will discover - poly will bring everything previously bubbling under the surface out. It's ok - it needs to happen !

Originally Posted by korindino View Post
As for me, I want both. I want to have three relationships: one with Alex, one with Jenny, and one with the unit of Alex and Jenny. I want to know them separately, and together. It's hard to get to that point, though, since all this newly-bred resentment is tainting it. I'm frustrated, because I don't want to be the reason for any of this. All I wanted was to love two very special people... and to be lucky enough to be loved by them in return.
You have your "vision".
Do you know yet what theirs is ??? Find out

And encourage everyone to be flexible. Even if what we originally envisioned doesn't unfold exactly as we hoped - it's equally possible that something even better (for everyone) may. Believe that too

We can do this ! But there IS work involved.

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