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Old 03-14-2010, 12:50 PM
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jackrabbit jackrabbit is offline
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Houston Texas area
Posts: 22

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
One of the things that jumps out at me is "equal time for everyone" because I don't think it's a realistic standard.

I don't devote equal time to my friends, why would I do it for my lovers? If one friend wants to go out shopping twice in one week before I've seen another friend, I don't say "no, I can't, because I have to see Jamie before I spend more time with you." There are also other aspects of life that make this ideal unpractical, such as living with one person whom you're obviously going to see more often than someone you don't live with. And that's before factoring in time to deal with finances, children, household duties, etc.
In other places I say "equal attention". That is probably better for what I am trying to say, because it eliminates the scheduling aspect you are talking about. And it highlights that I mean romantic activities rather than the administrative stuff of the household.

Even romantically, it stands to reason that you will be seeing the person you live with more, because it takes more energy to go out or swap partners every single night. It's a lifestyle, not a crusade.
The other thing that jumps out at me is doing poly "for variety." Please be clear that I'm not making a "there's a right way and a wrong way" judgement here, just saying that variety is not the reason why I am poly. I'm poly because I like to be in love with more than one person at the same time and because it's my natural inclination to do so. Do I enjoy the variety? Certainly. But it's not the "reason" for my being poly, it's just a coincidence.
Variety is a reason. It doesn't have to be the reason.
I can't place my finger on it, but this sentence irks me. My husband has some quirks. But all my previous boyfriends had "annoying flaws" and as soon as the honeymoon/NRE phases wore off, those flaws quickly became more annoying than quirky, and contributed to the ending of the relationship.
Well, that's kinda the point. Everyone has good traits and bad traits. When you break off the relationship, you lose the good as well as the bad. If you do care for the person, and can have regular breaks from the bad traits, you have less reason to break up completely.
I prefer to look at it as "getting 'me time'" than "getting away from my husband because he's annoying" ...
Isn't that just a different way of saying the same thing? That's one of the reasons you want the me time, is it not?

Also, the person you are living with is a somewhat different story, since you will probably be spending the most time with that person no matter what. And the nature of the bad habits may be related to the household, such as not wanting to do chores. The regular rotation is probably more effective in avoiding the bad traits of the alternates, since in this setup you don't live with them or spend as much time with them.
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