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Old 10-20-2013, 02:24 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by WalksThroughFire35 View Post
The issue really is that she is completely emotionally monogamous, and although she has opened up to communicating with me on a very intimate level, she continually gets hurt at the idea that I have a partner and she cannot be the only one in my life. I know it sounds weird because she has a partner, but I think when we are communicating, she finds herself living in an "alternate reality" where the rest of the world does not exist. Then, when reality sets in and we start discussing what I am doing in the world with my partner and that I could eventually date other women one day, she gets really hurt and then has to re-evaluate for herself, her emotional investment in this "relationship" with me.
I totally don't get it. Is she emotionally monogamous or not? Her label says one thing, her behaviour says another.

Her emotionally monogamous relationship is with her spouse, not you. If she's emotionally monogamous, then why would she give a hoot whether you date other women? Unless, of course, she actually does have emotional attraction to you, in which case she's not emotionally monogamous.

I think that's the first issue to sort out. If she can't admit that she has feelings for you, then she can't begin to deal with how to handle those feelings and what potential consequences accompany those feelings.

You can't control who you have feelings for, but you can control how you respond to those feelings. If she has too much baggage and it's going to be more trouble than pleasure, you have the choice to end the relationship and find someone less complicated. In time, the feelings you have for her will wane.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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