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Old 10-20-2013, 01:55 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by polywannacrackeryo View Post
Why bring up things that can't (and shouldn't) be changed? It would be cathartic for me, but would it be constructive?
Because as long as you keep such important things secret, it's impossible for her to truly know and understand you.

In all the successful poly relationships I know, one key feature is telling other people how you're feeling, owning those feelings, and reminding them that you're not asking for change, you're just giving a status report. When people understand how you feel, they can be sensitive about those topics.

For example, people die. When you lose a loved one, it's common to want to talk about the pain and sorrow that you're feeling. No one would dream of responding to that with "Yeah, well, they're dead. You can't change that, so why are you talking to me about it? What am I supposed to do?"

Also, by failing to talk about it, you leave the door open for events to repeat. For example, you would have preferred that she'd told you sooner that they were trying to have a baby. If you don't tell her that, she has no way of knowing that in the future, if she has news like that, she should tell you.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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