Kori in the Middle, or, my life as a homewrecker.
Like I mentioned in my intro, I'm not new to poly. I've been involved in poly relationships twice before now, but the circumstances this time around are much different.
I've never been involved with both halves of a primary relationship before. I've also never had more than one local partner at a time. Now that I'm dating a couple who live, almost literally, right down the street, a lot of things are coming up that I haven't had to deal with before.
Alex is new to polyamory, and he's still learning the ropes, I think. I have a deeper connection with him, and actually refer to him as my boyfriend now. Jenny has vast experience with poly, and she and I are very much in the "courting" stage of our relationship. Alex is a very social and affectionate character, and he's the type to move quickly in a relationship. He wants to share everything with his partners. Jenny moves slower, is a bit more solitary, and is much more guarded. She deeply desires personal time, and one-on-one time.
So far, Alex and Jenny have been getting along just fine. They're deeply dedicated to one another, they share a home, and they seem to be working out together wonderfully.
Enter Kori. As for me, I can move fast or slow, depending on how comfortable I feel with someone. I seek exactly from Alex and Jenny what each of them has to offer. I enjoy my time with each thoroughly, though in completely different ways. I try to give each of them what they need most.
Which would work, ideally, but unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world.
My heart aches because apparently, having me around has brought to the surface a number of issues that had been brewing in their relationship. Allegedly, they rarely fought before they knew me, but since we met, Alex and Jenny have been having numerous arguments, many of them having to do with me in some way.
I try not to rock the boat, but apparently by just being here, I'm causing trouble. Both of them assure me that it's not my fault, that I didn't do anything. I can't help but feel like I've somehow tainted something good.
I find it easy to empathize with each of them, and I try my hardest to understand each point of view, but the three of us can't seem to meet on any level. Jenny and I are still just courting, whereas I now have a full-blown relationship with Alex. Jenny feels like Alex gets more face time with me. Alex feels left out when Jenny and I want to spend time alone. Jenny wants to have a deep one-on-one connection with me, independent of my connection to Alex, or hers. Alex seems to want us to be a true triad and spend all our time together, as a group.
As for me, I want both. I want to have three relationships: one with Alex, one with Jenny, and one with the unit of Alex and Jenny. I want to know them separately, and together. It's hard to get to that point, though, since all this newly-bred resentment is tainting it. I'm frustrated, because I don't want to be the reason for any of this. All I wanted was to love two very special people... and to be lucky enough to be loved by them in return.
Instead, it's becoming one big clusterfuck... and not the good kind.
I don't really have a question. I just feel stuck, and I want to get this off of my chest. Anyone else been in this kind of a situation before? How the heck do I get through it?