Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
you're just mourning a life you'll never get. As long as you make that clear, and let her know that you just need to figure out where you fit in so that your heart isn't broken, I think you can work it out.
God, this is so spot on. I really am mourning a life I can't have. Thank you for helping me put that into words adequately. I know I need to be honest with her about these feelings. I've been sorting them out for a few weeks, and felt like I was really making progress. When the topic of the possible move came up, I felt wanted... the fact that they would ask me to come with them. But then things changed when I found out she wants to be pregnant. It made me feel immediately alienated... not because that's her intent, but just because it became clear to me how different our desires are on this point.
I'm certainly not one to avoid talking about my feels. In fact, they both know that will probably happen at least 1-2 times per month... I just like to have "emotional check-ins". But I hesitate to talk about things that simply cannot (and should not) be changed. To consider leaving simply because she wants a kid feels cold-hearted to me. It's her body. It's her decision. But on the other hand, that desire is so far removed from what I want that her yearning to have a baby almost feels personal, even though I know it's not, (and yes, it's ridiculous to even think that).
Also, I'm having trouble figuring out exactly what to say to her. Why bring up things that can't (and shouldn't) be changed? It would be cathartic for me, but would it be constructive? She can't change the fact that she's got a life with him and that she wants to have a baby. I'm just not sure how to address that without sounding like a selfish douche.