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Old 10-19-2013, 10:18 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Darkling View Post
Why would I sign up for a relationship that has a shelf life from the start? It sounds painful.
This actually came up in bi group yesterday. Someone there was dating a guy and didn't see it leading to a long-term relationship, but they liked him and didn't want to break up just because they would never get married. She's young and hasn't dated much, so she was really enjoying being in a relationship, and she really likes him... just doesn't see him as future husband material... She was looking for validation for her desire to stay in the relationship and not worry about its finite lifespan.

We were all more than happy to give it to her. I'm a big fan of living in the moment. The future will happen soon enough without troubling over it too much right now. If you're enjoying what you're doing, the people you're with, then don't think of them as having a shelf life. What an awful thought. Maybe it will end eventually, maybe it won't. But if you get caught up on "when is this going to end?" then it's just a matter of time.

For that matter, being married doesn't mean you'll never break up, either. Of course we all expect our marriages to last forever when we walk down the aisle, but statistically that's foolish.

I don't see my relationship with Auto as having a built-in shelf life. Just because we'll never get married doesn't mean we'll eventually have to break up. There's nothing wrong with just being unmarried partners in perpetuity.

Quote:
Does this concern make sense to anyone?
Not really, nope.

Quote:
Does everyone really end up with a loving extended family of ex-lovers?
Absolutely not. I'm not sure I'd even want that. Nope, pretty sure I wouldn't. I like the past in the past.

Quote:
Or do they end up with a collection of uncomfortable exes that pop up periodically to cause problems?
Is that the only other option?

I've always been pretty careful about ending relationships in good standing. My exes don't cause any problems at all. When I run into them, it's just like running into an old friend from high school.

Before you got married, you must have dated? Did you worry about ending up with a pile of exes then? Why worry about it now? I guess if you didn't really date before getting married, you have nothing to compare to... but most people do have to date a few people before finding their life partners, and to my knowledge accumulating exes isn't a huge concern in the dating game.
__________________
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 10-19-2013 at 10:25 AM.
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