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Old 03-13-2010, 08:08 PM
saudade saudade is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 139
Default A few points


Welcome. I've skimmed your blog, and I thought I'd post a few comments.

One of my partners got his start with Heinlein too, and I discovered his novels through him. Stranger in a Strange Land and The Moon is a Harsh Mistress are my favorites of his novels (so far). Apparently they're a common starting point for many of us.

To supply jargon, your DPG sounds to me like a large polyfidelitous tribe with a fluid-bond. (Everyone is effectively married to everyone else, no sex or romantic love outside the group, and has been tested for STDs.) You might want to look into those terms, on this forum and elsewhere, and get a sense for how those relationships work in practice.

I'd also like to agree with CielDuMatin:

There are several things that you lay out in your blog that just wouldn't work for me in my configuration, but that absolutely doesn't make them wrong for you. Be prepared for some poly folk to look at this and say "thanks but no thanks" for the reason that it won't work for them either.
In my web of relationships, there's no assumption of equal time, or fixed schedule of 'dates'. (You might look into the Kerista commune; I read somewhere that one of the reasons it ended was difficulty stemming from rigid sleeping schedules.) I spend most of my time with my two live-in primary partners, and occasionally hang out with my other loves. We're not a closed group (my girlfriend has a boyfriend, who has a boyfriend, who has other lovers I haven't met and likely never will) and we're open to occasional and non-romantic sexual liaisons, so we're not fluid bonded either.

If you want to have in your DPG, and you find people who want it with you, that's great. Congratulations, and please enjoy yourselves. It's just that everyone practices poly differently, so it might be hard to find people who are compatible to you romantically AND open to poly AND interested in your particular format.

I have a quote of yours that I want to call out:

... If they didn't pass the test, why would you want to have sex with them? Why would you deliberately have sex with someone who failed an AIDS test?
First, I'd like to point out that your wording, "failed an AIDS test", is rather strong. Taking the intent of your statement rather than your word choices, it happens in real life that an HIV-positive person and an HIV-negative person fall in love. It also happens that people in that situation have safe sex and take care of each other. I've heard of fluid-bonded poly tribes composed only of HIV-positive people too.

All that said, stick around. Keep writing, keep reading, keeping asking questions. Welcome again!

In cahoots,
"I was thorough when I looked for you, and I feel justified lying in your arms." - Chasing Amy
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