Redpepper, we all, or most of us atleast, have had many loves/lovers along the way. Just because we've had multiple lovers, I wouldn't say we're poly. However, I can see we have the same ideas and definitions of what may constitute poly for us right now further(down the road) in our unique lives. For you and yours, it has to be deeper than just lovers. Same here for me and my "life loves". (love Mono's term). I truly believe this is and can be an everlasting situation for us 3. I'm sure you do with your 2 guys also. My definition really requires that long term committment. Anything less, would be just lovers to me
. I can't in good conscience ask my wife to change her life and our marriage, for just
a lover. I don't know if I've said it to her in that way, but I need to.
Regarding your hubby and his thoughts, I would agree it (poly) has to get it's start somewhere. Those are certainly two very good ways!
For me, it was developing a tremendous bond with a long term friend over 20 years, eventually moving into realizing my heart had enlarged and was certainly capable of embracing the poly life. The sexual act of making love, only sealed the deal. For others I'm sure it happens quickly. I don't know about the moderators, but I like your candor!
One last thing, my wife and my other "life love" have asked me to present them with other examples of "us", so they could see and learn how to embrace this poly life and their poly man. I keep telling them there's no situation I've come across exactly like "us". I know there must be, but it's like finding a needle in a haystack.