I hope I can articulate this properly, so that it helps you....
I was added to a couple, and deliriously happy - until the wife changed her mind 180 degrees after promoting. The difference between my situation and yours was that my partner was the male, although I loved my metamour too. I was heartbroken when it ended.
Now the thing of it is, I never wanted the couple to divorce because I realized I had fallen in love with a man who was married with children. That dynamic was a major part of his identity, and if that were to change he would be a different person. I didn't want to lose that person, even though we could no longer be lovers
Fast forward: I was gone from their house a year when they separated (and are now divorcing). (Just for clarification - he did not leave his wife for me - they had other issues.) Although, he instigated the separation, he was devastated. He'd lost his sense of self, he was emotionally asea, he was not the same person I'd fallen for.
Do we have a relationship? Yes. But we are having to rebuild it from the ground up, he is still not healed from the trauma, and is not going to be quite the same person that he was.
So what I am trying to say, is that your fantasy of being together with just your lady love is just that: a fantasy. It does not exist in this dimension.
You're right, I'd have given anything to be where you are - and even now I wish it could have been three. I am not sure why deep love means exclusivity for you. While it is true her husband can give her things you cannot; you give her things he cannot.
Last edited by bookbug; 10-19-2013 at 01:59 AM.