I think I see what you mean. You aren't really in a monogamous situation (given your metamour), so you do need a companion for the simple pleasures like cuddling, pillow talk, and sleeping together. I take that for granted because even though I share a lady with another guy, I still get her nighttime company every other night. The fact that we've no kids in our household also simplifies things.
I guess that's one of the reasons why it's important to remember that polyamory isn't all about sex -- or in some cases, not necessarily about sex at all. I still believe it's about romance though, as romance is a many-faceted thing. The word polyamory is pretty new to the English language and is still evolving. Sometimes people struggle to agree about its exact definition.
I think it's important for any/all romantic companions you may have to know that they each bring something special and irreplaceable into your life. It's people's individual uniqueness that makes this magic possible.
I appreciate your sharing your experiences so far, and hope you'll always find love in abundance in your life.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"