Originally Posted by Mark1npt
unfortunately for many of the general public who think they want to be poly, they equate poly with just having many lovers, not many loves.
I fell into this Mark...
I used "lovers" for a long time as I hadn't found Mono and was searching for him. I was fine with it at the time as it reminded me of some old lounge singer on some kind of tv documentary who is referred to as having had many "lovers"... it sounded old fashioned and independent, strong and not needy and was comfortable at the time.... having discovered that my idea of this really revolved around the independent part more than I realize... I now see the term "lovers" the same way but that I am way too much full of abandonment issues to fit my own definition (I am not empowered by it as I should be to use it). I need people and I need my two men.... having "lovers" is casual and I don't think I live up to it.... having "intimate friends" works better and denotes a need for them and their intimacy. "Poly" works for mono, my husband and I as it denotes a love that is everlasting and relates to commitment to not only me but my whole family (blood and chosen alike). Not that I don't think we can all have many things going on at once, because a lot of people do.
I think that it is useful to come to some kind of agreement with oneself and the ones I am with to come up with a definition and then to let it go before it becomes too confining. Really, no one is exactly like us ... even though i know I am right and they are wrong.... LOL heh