Originally Posted by peabean
This is my problem exactly. Our relationship is normal, relaxed. We have worked through our issues by communicating, just like everyone suggests.
But in the beginning, as I was trying to find more information, there was so much negativity about triads in the online poly community I seriously questioned how we could manage it. I would second guess myself constantly. I wondered if I was some kind of unicorn hunter? Perhaps I was exercising couple privilege by not wanting to come out to people right away? My girlfriend is great, and we have an incredible sex life, was I treating her as a sex object by texting her all day and having lunch time rendezvous?
I'm fortunate that neither of my partners read these boards. When I would voice these concerns they would both laugh, and tell me to stop worrying.
I guess what gets me is that you see many people coming on here when they are just opening their relationships making the same mistake over and over. About 75% of the advice they get is helpful, patient. When people come on seeking a triad they get dog piled. It's tiresome.
Knowing how good a triad can be, I completely understand why people seek out this relationship type. Of course it's unrealistic, but so are a lot of the expectations newly poly people have.
Haha.. honestly thats part of the pitfalls to the online community. It is very cynical about those things it believes don't work. You have to take this world with a grain of salt.
On one hand there is the belief that relationships are short, shouldn't be tied down, and in the end every relationship is a success.
Except those evil unicorn hunts who have short enjoyble relationships.
Not every unicorn is mistreated, not every unicorn hunting couple does so in bad taste. I think most times whats happening is the aversion to swinging. Thats not a unicorn hunting problem, thats a fear of label. If most unicorn hunters that are the evils versions just realized they want to fuck and swing, it would save the loving unicorns a lot of heartache. (ps this happens outside of poly too.. this isn't a poly problem, this is an expectations problems)
It isn't malicious, its simply misplaced knowledge and acceptance.
Your partners sound like they rock for the record..
I have a similar online life. I have my reality to check my online world. Its good to know what is really working for me and my friends/lovers, vs what people believe should be working, online.
*excuse any poor english, been working for almost 24 hours straight and need more coffee*