Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 10-17-2013, 12:36 PM
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FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
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Well, I am back in the UK. I have struggled with posting this because it is just too damn hard. This is not how I pictured my return. We returned for two very sad reasons. My great aunt died Monday, and the same night, I found out that my uncle (by marriage) was not doing well. His liver shut down in late July/early August. They knew if they placed him on the list, he would not live to get it. Lo and behold, after two months on hospice, and he is barely hanging on. In not so many words, I was pretty much advised that I needed to get on a flight asap. I am numb right now. I am in our old home, and I have isolated myself for the time being. We are going to my parents home in a couple of hours. I need to keep myself busy and distracted (posting here). Initially, I thought I could handle all of this alone, but I needed my husband and family with me.

This is the first time I have been home since all the drama with Si ended, and I have found that I am getting increasingly irritated with my [paternal] family asking about her. They are trying to stir something up. They know her family, and the younger generation runs in the same social circles as some of relatives. My relatives live and breathe drama. Most of them are poisonous. I choose to limit contact with them to a mere handful. They have never met my children and never will. I am close to the aunt, her husband, and daughter who are weathering this storm. The rest of them? They can kiss my derrière. I am supporting them for my aunt, uncle, and daddy, because that is his sister and brother-in-law. My mum's family understands not to bring her up. This side? Dear heaven. I think I made it pretty clear. "She is not part of our family. Refrain from asking about her. Since you all like to talk, spread the word that I am living monogamously, too." Matt decided it was time to go after that. I am glad he did.

I might as well post about the other thing. My best friend is in love with me, and often wished/wishes that we could get back together. She is aware of the state of our marriage and how it is. She knows about the agreement, too, so it is not like she expects me to act on what she said. I am the last one to know about her feelings. Matt picked up on it months ago. We broke up in 1999 after four years together. She was the hinge of a V. The other leg was her boyfriend-turned-husband. It did not end on bad terms. She was attending university in the States, and I was attending elsewhere. The distance was far too much, so we just transitioned back to being best friends. She is my children's godmother. We talk every day. She has been a huge part of my support system in all that has been going on within my marriage.

Her poly life works well for her. She and her hubby have been together since 1993 and married 15 of those years. They have been open and closed at various points. They have one child together, who is 14. They are in a triad, and the 10 year anniversary mark of it is approaching. The triad formed naturally. Bestie met her girlfriend in 2001. The husband/girlfriend were friends for two years, and romance slowly came in to the picture. The husband/girlfriend have an 8 year old together. It was a planned pregnancy. Both of their children call them mum, but they know who gave birth to them. The girlfriend has one other relationship, and it is with her boyfriend's sister. Bestie is an unofficial triad with the same woman. They are tertiary/kind of FWB, date at random, and do not place their dyad as being of high importance. It was mutually decided on by both of them, and they prefer not to label it. I know they love one another, but that dynamic works for them. All the families know about the ins and outs. I guess the most shocking element was the brother, sister, and DIL are dating the same woman. That was probably what surprised them the most. They are supportive. Their children are delights to be around. The only gripe the 14 year old has is that with three parents, she cannot get away with much because one of them is always close. Other than that, she is fine with it.

I know my best friend would never do anything to jeopardise my marriage, and she knows I am happy. We have had a full disclosure policy since we were 7 or 8. I remember pinky swearing and promising to always be honest with one another. I guess the time was never right for her to tell me. The dust has settled, and she needed to get it off her chest. I have no idea how to process it. DH brought it up on the second leg of our journey here, and his opinions were not what I was expecting. She is arriving tomorrow night to attend the funeral with us on Saturday. Maybe we will get to talk face-to-face before we go our separate ways again. I cannot entertain the idea of a relationship with her because I committed to what we have now. I can hear her out, though.

What a week it has been. This too shall pass.
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