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Old 03-12-2010, 02:19 PM
EugenePoet EugenePoet is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 145

Nobody should be deriding you for anything, man. You're gutsy for coming out with your worries.

If you guys are doing separate things -- that is, not a threesome and not her-and-him with you watching -- then it might be considerate for her to keep the details to herself. That depends on how your whole poly experience is structured, I suppose.

I'm the boyfriend of a married poly woman. Theirs is a fairly conservative and structured relationship, and direct descriptions of sex with other partners or the sexual equipment of others is not a topic of conversation. Given the consciousness and awareness of this couple, I suspect that's intentionally done in order to avoid comparisons and the possible envy, resentment, and then outright jealousy that can sometimes follow from that.

I may be an opportunity for you and your wife to deepen your awareness and understanding. Love and closeness does not mean that you automatically share every single thought and recount every experience. It does mean that you care for and nurture the relationship. It may be that each of you thinks carefully about what's important to share and what's not. Descriptions of her boyfriends tool may simply be something she keeps to herself?

I'm average-sized. It is what it is, obviously. (Miracle-gro does nothing but make it itch... ) But my lady love is so very good at caring for our relationship that I feel secure. And I try very hard to reciprocate.

I recall early in our relationship she would very gently test my perceptions by mentioning her other men. When she found that I didn't clench up emotionally she talked more openly about them, but she's never mentioned any sexual specifics about anyone. Except herself...

But man, all this can be as varied as the spectrum of human behavior...and that's a LOT of possibilities! As the post from Vexxed implies, some take a completely different approach! There is no one answer.


Yeah, NRE -- in our relationship we call it "twinkle-dust". All that sweet, tender excitement is hard not to rave about. Again, awareness is key: she ought to know what is happening, and that it happens with any good new relationship, and that it doesn't stay in the race the way a meaningful, deep love does. It's good to notice it and chuckle about it -- "Boy, I sure have got twinkle-dust all over me right now."

Last edited by EugenePoet; 03-12-2010 at 02:24 PM.
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