Originally Posted by pulliman
But with all the questions, comments, pronouncements, and such, I start second-guessing what feels to me to be pretty normal and relaxed.
This is my problem exactly. Our relationship is normal, relaxed. We have worked through our issues by communicating, just like everyone suggests.
But in the beginning, as I was trying to find more information, there was so much negativity about triads in the online poly community I seriously questioned how we could manage it. I would second guess myself constantly. I wondered if I was some kind of unicorn hunter? Perhaps I was exercising couple privilege by not wanting to come out to people right away? My girlfriend is great, and we have an incredible sex life, was I treating her as a sex object by texting her all day and having lunch time rendezvous?
I'm fortunate that neither of my partners read these boards. When I would voice these concerns they would both laugh, and tell me to stop worrying.
I guess what gets me is that you see many people coming on here when they are just opening their relationships making the same mistake over and over. About 75% of the advice they get is helpful, patient. When people come on seeking a triad they get dog piled. It's tiresome.
Knowing how good a triad can be, I completely understand why people seek out this relationship type. Of course it's unrealistic, but so are a lot of the expectations newly poly people have.