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Old 10-16-2013, 01:58 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,276

One thing that has been kind of a mental road block to me is, even if we weren't monogamous, I would prefer that our marriage was the primary relationship for both of us. I'm afraid of risking that.
If your spouse and you and your dating potentials cannot agree on satisfactory boundaries for a primary-secondary model, don't try to practice that open model with those players.

Or if you yourself simply are not willing/able to go there in general -- respect your own limit and don't go there.

I also have lived in the mono-get-married-and-stay-together-for-life model that it seems really strange to entertain the idea of pursuing another relationship knowing that it will end at some point. Maybe mutually and gracefully, and maybe not.
ALL relationships come with a clock attached.

Even the one with your spouse. I certainly hope the ending for my and my spouse is "death do us part" when we are old, but that's never certain. He or I could get run over by a bus tomorrow. But one does not live life expecting doom at each corner. That's no way to live!

Why would I sign up for a relationship that has a shelf life from the start? It sounds painful. Does this concern make sense to anyone? Does everyone really end up with a loving extended family of ex-lovers? Or do they end up with a collection of uncomfortable exes that pop up periodically to cause problems?
First... Are you considering secondary relationships like casual sex or casual emotional flings? Or like serious relationships that could last years?

Again, if this journey sounds painful and unfun to you -- could not go there. Obey your personal limit.

Is it your spouse that wants to go there and you really don't? Do not do this for your spouse. Do it for you -- and if you cannot go there of your own joyful heart and spirit? Just say no.

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