Originally Posted by YGirl
What about getting everybody together in one room and saying, "Look, we're all adults now. Certain things have happened over the years and it's time to clear the air once and for all. Here's the deal..."
This does not sound very complicated to me as an outsider. I think it's one of those deals where it's pretty simple but it LOOKS complicated to someone who has been in the thick of it the whole time.
I certainly didn't think it was complicated either-but it's blowing up into a nightmare now.
My bottom line is this-
the RESPONSIBLE way to "rebuild a friendship" with people who've shown themselves to be disrespectful and immature, is to address the prior behavior FIRST and if they agree that the behavior is in the past as a "well I was young and dumb" then you move forward.
NOT putting the horse before the carriage and saying "well I want to be friends with them so I'm going to test the waters by bringing in a NEW person-your husband specifically-but leave YOU out because they've always hated you, and if they like him maybe then they will be willing to stop hating you.
IF there had been no recurring issues-I might see it differently.
But the most important thing to ME in a relationship is loyalty.
Hanging out with people who openly talk crap about your significant other-promotiing your significant other's OSO's to build relationships with those people as well IS NOT LOYALTY.
I don't give a SHIT if they are men or women or dogs. You don't get kudos from me by choosing to maintain relationships with people who treat your loved ones like crap.
IF it had been a both way thing (I had been a bitch to them AND they had been assholes to me) THEN I could see the complication in him wanting to say "HEY EVERYONE-can we try to make peace etcetcetc" but the reality is that I haven't done ANYTHING to any of them-and he well knows it.
Their issue with me was all fabricated from their own ideas without any input from me. I never did him wrong. I never did them wrong. They were never a part of my life, never even so much as hung out with me ONE TIME (aside from the two brothers who both openly admit that they hate me because the other guys do).
Frankly-no I don't trust GG to do the right thing. IF that was his priority-he would/could have done it many many times over the last 14 years. His idea is that if he just plays nice long enough it will all blow over.
But it won't.
Maca already laid it on the line last night amidst a dramatic scene that he's not going to participate BECAUSE it would be wrong to promote a relationship with anyone who treats someone in his family like crap, that until THAT issue is resolved no forward progress can be made (GG doesn't want to bring it up, discuss it etc until AFTER they've all gotten to know Maca and "maybe that will help them accept LR"), AND
because as my DOM it's his job to protect me and my interests first.
SO-I guess where things stand for now is that Maca on his own made the right choice.
GG is now pissed and hurt and feels like he's being told how to handle his relationships..........
I actually told him he could do as he see's fit-but I have to do what I see fit as well and I'm not going to participate NOR allow my child to participate in relationships with people who are emotionally abusive to me. I can't think there is a whole lot more to say from my end.