I completely agree with GroundedSpirit. Sit tight LR and have faith that both of your men will handle this appropriately. It seems like you want them to prevent it this time around. The problem with that is years have passes and these men may have grown a bit in their own lived and may be less inclined to be involved in other people's lives. By them having a just in case talk you might end up getting exactly what you don't want.. Being under the magnifying glass again. So maybe give both your men and these other men the benefit of the doubt.
Something happened over the weekend with my boyfriend and his "brother." Including my boyfriend there are 5 "brothers" , friends that turned into family.
The one he is closest with decided it was time for him to voice his distaste for me. It went along the lines of I'm playing him ect ect ect at the end of the rant he said "if I see her again I will spit on her and if she's close enough I would hit her."
As soon as the words left his mouth my bf stood up and left. The next morning he went back a rwturned the sword that was a gift and told him to save it for his son. It was a HUGE statement. His friend admits he would never hit a woman, but he's not sorry about any of it. They haven't spoken since. The door is open and we are waiting for him to see the err of his ways, but we can't force it. The whole point is it's one thing to not like someone else but you can still show respect. I knew nothing about what happened until it was final, but I would have figured that we would make excuses for his friend because he loves him so much.. But he did the right thing all on his own. No push from me. Take a deep breath LR and have some faith in your boys